The Difference Between Being Confident vs. Cocky

Photo Credit: Rosa Delgado

Photo Credit: Rosa Delgado

My kids and I recently started watching The Kids Baking Championship since all the seasons are on Hulu, and I have to say we are all LOVING it. It’s a competition show where 10 and 11-year-olds bake complicated things with such ease and it’s so impressive. One of the things that stood out to me was how these 10 and 11-year-olds really know who they are and trust their own decisions. They are constantly saying “I’m feeling confident.” about super labor intensive things. I’m not only impressed with how well the can execute cream puffs, but how well they know themselves.

As a mom, I’m always trying to teach my kids the difference between being good at something naturally and putting forth an effort and trying your best. It’s funny to me that this is not something that is drilled into everyone because is there anything more important than understanding the importance of trying? I’m sure my kids are already over how much I talk about being confident and trying your best, because it’s I’m a bit of a drill sergeant about it but ya know… it’s just really important you guys.

The word confidence gets a bad rep and it really bothers me. I believe it’s because people look at confidence as being cocky. Nope. Not even close. Being cocky and “full of yourself” is something I associate with hubris and a lack of empathy or compassion for others. Confidence is believing in yourself and loving yourself. Such a HUGE difference.

That being said, I have often found that people also don’t really like when someone is confident. Isn’t that strange? Shouldn’t it be the other way around. Shouldn’t you see someone who is secure in their own skin and it should be refreshing? I’ve gotta be honest, if you meet someone who is confident and it bothers you, ask yourself why? Are they acting cocky? Or are they just truly at peace with who they are and it makes you uncomfortable?

I’m all about changing this conversation and I think it starts with us working on being ok with other people’s confidence. 1) It has nothing to do with us. And ya know what, good for them! 2) We should be working on our own. When society tries to knock us (especially women) down, don’t you think it would be fantastic to be stronger than what society says about what we SHOULD be?

The next time you are feeling nervous about being confident, and you worry about coming off as cocky think:

“There is NOTHING wrong with me loving myself as hard as I know how.”

If you want to learn more about the process I teach that helps you gain confidence through your style and cleaning out your closet, check it out here. Cause helping you feel confident is my favorite thing to do. For reals.